THE FOLLOWING IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY:
I used to always think that “love” was an easy thing to handle and now, four years later, I was wrong. I loved him with all my whole heart and soul so I gave him my everything. I knew just months into our “relationship” that I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life. As time went on, so did our feelings toward each other. It all started on June 29th 2008, there was an instant connection. The way that he made me feel was as if I was the only woman on this earth that could make him truly happy. Things were going good. We had our ups and downs, but what “relationship” didn’t? We would argue and get into fights but we always got through the rough times. After seven months, he proposed and I said “yes”. I could talk to him about anything and I knew that he would always be there no matter what the circumstances. Two years later, on the night of my high school graduation, I moved in with him and his family. Nothing else mattered more to me then making this man happy, so I put my dreams on hold. We were doing great. I was getting along with his family and friends but all that was about to change.
In November of 2010,I found out that I was pregnant and when I told him about it he didn’t say a word. There was a time that he told me, “ Well you can get on birth control..” I knew then that he didn’t want the baby. A couple of weeks later we got into another argument and he tells me, “Maybe you should abort the baby because we don’t have the financial stability right now to take care of it”. That is when things got really bad. He didn’t go to the Doctor appointments with me, his mom would. There for a while it was as if he wasn’t there “physically” as well as “emotionally”. I decided to move back in with my parents and make him realize that it was no longer about what “me” or “him“ wanted, it was about the baby and its needs. He begged me to come back. He told me he would change and it would be like it was, but I knew deep down that it would never be the same again.
Months into me moving in, we would get into arguments over the “little things” and the “bigger things”, we just ran away from them. There was tension between me and his family. He started to shut down. I could tell that there was something wrong but I didn’t know how to fix it. I tried “talking” to him about our problems but it just led to “arguments”. I always ran to my parents when ever there was a problem because I felt I couldn’t talk to him. So, while I am visiting my parents I cheat. I thought that if I cheated I would maybe feel something for this other guy and I didn’t. So I stay with him, and get up the nerve to tell him that I cheated. Of course he gets mad. We fight, argue, and cry with each other because we both feel deep down, “how could we let it get this bad”? . He started controlling my every move. I hardly ever got to talk to my family that lived six hours away. When we did “go out”, I felt as if I was being chaperoned, he could do all that he wanted to but if I wanted something, well, that’s a different story.
Things died down for a while, so I thought..
After two weeks of being back home with my parents, I decide to give him another chance. We were doing good for a couple of weeks, then we were right back at the beginning. I was under a great amount of stress. I started to become distant, quickly.
On March 1st 2011, around eight o’clock, I start getting a pain in my lower stomach, I thought it was “something” that came along with being pregnant. It lasted all night. Early the next morning around six, I feel that something was terribly wrong. He takes me to the hospital and they rush me into the back. They ask all theses questions but at the time I couldn’t answer them, all I was worried about is “was the baby going to be okay”? They give me medicine to ease the pain. The Dr. comes in and tells us that I was going to lose the baby. I started sobbing as he just sat there with a blank look on his face. He didn’t say or do anything to comfort me.
We leave the hospital and get back home. I lay down and he leaves. I dose on and off from the meds. I suddenly wake up with a “bad feeling”. I walk into his brothers bedroom and asks “Where is he”? his brother replies, “I don’t know”. I tell him, “Call him and tell him to get here now!” As I turn to go lay back down, that’s when “it” happened. It felt as if a water balloon had busted and my body relived a great amount of pressure that I didn’t know that I had. All I could think and say was “No” over and over again. I felt scared, lost, confused and guilty. He was no where to be found until after I had “lost the baby”. Even then, he wasn’t “there”. My best friend stood beside me through the whole thing. I don’t know what I would have done without her. I was not surprised that he wasn’t there to comfort me. This lasts for about forty five minutes to an hour. As things calm down, I feel weak and helpless. I didn’t want to be around anyone. All I felt that I could do at this point was just cry. Cry out my feelings for what had happened, for what wasn’t fair, and for what I knew I couldn’t change and felt guilty all together. I go into a state of mind that my life had no meaning at all. I completely shut everyone out. After I got myself together to come to terms with the loss of my baby, I realized that what we go through in life, happens for a reason and me nor anyone else can change that. We don’t have the capability to erase our pasts.
So, on June 2nd I decide that my life isn’t worth the pain and suffering that I had dealt with the past year. I decide to pack my suitcase and leave. My sister comes and gets me and I go home to see my younger sister graduate. After a couple of days spending time with my family I decide to move to Kentucky and start over. Looking back now, at what we “had” or what we “thought” we had. It doesn’t mean that I felled my relationship with him, it just means that I gave my all and my all wasn’t good enough. Life itself isn’t going to be easy for anyone. Even the “rich” have there own problems. I have excepted the past, the present and im looking forward toward “my” future. I guess the point of me telling you this is to, let you all understand that we as humans are not perfect!!! Life is going to throw you curve balls and when it does you will not be ready, but I know that you will get passed them. I did!!